How do you know for sure that the man you are about to marry is “the one”?
Personally, I don’t believe in “the one”. There are simply too many crazy circumstances in this world for that to make any sense. This post is inspired by the wonderful love guru Matthew Hussey, I’ll post his website link below. He’s recently become a new favorite of mine. What Matthew determines as “the one” is finding someone with the qualities we are looking for, who also happens to be at a stage in their life where they are ready to commit to a serious relationship.
We are not trying to find one person in the world, instead we are trying to determine if the person we are with has the potential to be the one we should choose. So, if you’re someone still searching for the one, or if you’re a soon-to-be-bride avoiding cold feet -- find reassurance by asking yourself these five questions to determine if he is the one for you!
#1 Do you want to jump him?
I hope this doesn’t come across too crude, but what separates a friendship from a relationship is sex. Chemistry is foundational to a relationship and needs to be apparent from the beginning. It’s not something that magically appears half-way through. It is much easier to find someone you have chemistry with in the first place, and let your love build from there. We have chemistry with people for a reason, and that bond can strengthen your relationship if you let it. I have a little niece who will always ask her dad to “kiss it better” whenever she gets hurt. I’m not mentioning this phrase to imply that chemistry will fix every problem in a relationship, but a kiss from the one you love can definitely help during tough times. Let chemistry be a strength in your relationship.
#2 Can he scuba dive?
Matthew says the concept of scuba diving is a nuance way of asking, can he inhabit environments that are important to you for a period of time? Underwater isn’t a natural habitat for people, but by strapping on the scuba gear one can successfully be in that environment for a period of time. What determines the strength of a relationship is whether he is willing to learn how to scuba dive. Will he put on the gear and operate in an environment that may not be the easiest thing to do, because it is important to you? Situations such as spending time with your family or participating in your hobbies are all times to watch his willingness to scuba dive.
#3 Does he give you brainal?
This is another creative word from Matthew Hussey himself. Brainal is described as, the act of penetrating deep subjects of intellectual curiosity with a partner-- resulting in mental stimulation and often physical and emotional attraction. What he means by this, is that there needs to be more than the physical connection that we mentioned earlier. Brainal isn’t measured by the number of intellectual conversations you have, but whether or not being with this person stimulates your mind! Does being around this person encourage new perspectives, and different outlooks on life? Do they share their world with you and help you learn about things you have never considered? Ultimately, are they bringing out the best in you, are they causing you to grow? Are they helping you become someone that you want to become, and are they encouraging you to grow and become your best?
#4 Is he worth it at his worst?
The strength of a relationship isn’t about how someone acts when things are rosy and comfortable. What determines the strength of a relationship is how they handle things when they go south. Do you stick together as a couple or do you allow external circumstances to come between you? Matthew said, “It’s what we do at our worst, that dictates how strong the relationship can be. If you are with a guy that is unbearable, destructive, venomous, and just loads on pain when he is at his worst, that is not the guy that is going to be a teammate for life.”
#5 Does the relationship only work if you time travel?
It’s good to be optimistic about the future, but you need to be honest when determining if he is the one for you. Do you have to go forward to a moment in time when he has the qualities you want, or a desire for the commitment you seek? The one for you is a combination of two thing - he is both right AND ready. Right in terms of the qualities he possesses, and ready in terms of his willingness to give you what you want in a relationship. We would even suggest that if a guy isn’t ready, there’s a good chance he can’t be right.
Just because a guy may not be right, doesn’t mean that you can’t love him. You know better than anyone that there is a reason why you love him, and you’re not crazy for feeling that way. But just because there is a legitimate reason for loving someone, that doesn’t mean they are the right person for you. Love is a decision. You must decide to love someone, and if the guy in front of you isn’t deciding to love you, you have to question whether he’s the right guy for you.
Now, I’ve pretty much quoted the wise words of Matthew Hussey throughout this entire post. I highly encourage you to go watch the video, it’s far better listening to his adorable accent than reading my post. Is He The One? 5 Questions to Know for Sure (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)
I couldn’t help but share this topic after seeing it.
Now, whether you have found “the one” already or not, you won’t want to make a mistake that will drive that person away. Hold onto them! Take this opportunity to self-reflect on the person you are in the relationship. Be the type of person that you are hoping to marry. Are you affectionate, supportive, inspiring, a lifelong teammate and ultimately “the one” for the person you are thinking of? Do what you can to make that person’s day better, and strive to do that everyday.